A Better Self

I think that someone should be scarred before he can be a better man — physically and psychologically. It can come from many things, ranging from failures, depressions to even disappointment.

The Best Perfume

I read the Perfume novel by Patrick Suskind. It tells about a man searching for the best recipe to create a perfume that could spread love.

But that’s not the best perfume for me. It’s the smell of the rain — petrichor — that smells the best. Because it’s natural, and because it’s rare. Not every rain you get to smell a perfume so magical, so earthy. 

Chuckle: A Painful Laugh

Usually, I chuckled when I wanted to suppress laugh because the opportunity weren’t appropriate. For instance, when I was insulted but there wasn’t anything I could do, I’d just chuckle to mask my offended feelings. Or of course, when it was about work.

But obviously, I prefer laughing out loud to a chuckle. It’s giving you more freedom and releases more happiness hormones — I always get them mixed up. But my self-image sometimes is more important than mere hormones, so I go for the former.

Cranky When Exhausted

It’s not uncommon for us to be cranky when tired.

I am prone to being cranky when I’m already exhausted by college assignments. Staring at my PC for hours, having absolutely no idea what I was doing or writing and also hoping that my GPA wouldn’t disappoint me.

Timely Pain

I think I was fortunate to have felt how painful unrequited love was. Even so, it was a timely pain to remind me that love was not my primary purpose. Instead, I should focus on something more important, like reading and gaining new experience.

Choosing to Live in Denial

Avoiding confrontation of or refusing to admit that reality or problems exist is easy. I do it regularly. Especially when someone — for instance, my college teacher — is comparing me to other people who are more successful than me in terms of college achievements, I’m suddenly entering the state of denial.

I mean, what’s wrong if I’m not as good as them? I want to be whoever I want without being pressured to be someone else I don’t acquaint with. Some people should just realize that comparing people actually can cause to backfire — instead of motivating, it’s discouraging them.

Not a Prudent Purchase

Suddenly, I was left with much vacant hours. I didn’t know what to do, so it would be prudent if I just. . . play games?

I thought that after too much times was used to work as a college student, I needed some leisure times. Knowing how to enjoy life and spend your time is vital to your success, I think. Because for me, if I got bored I’ll end up buying things I shouldn’t have.

I Need a Stroke of Luck

This implies that I expect not to get what I want. But rather, what I need right now. For a college student, that could be anything — great grades, good money, vacant hours. But right now, I need a place for internship.

Music Pattern

Patterns are beautiful. I think they represent orderliness that can be recognized as something beautiful — though sometimes can be boring.

Some patterns are created scrupulously to last for a lifetime and withstand obsoleteness. It goes without saying that our lives’ patterns should be the same — orderly, meaningful, and purposeful. Same goes for music.

Nervous — A Necessary Emotion

“Nervous?”

One of my friend asked me after I took a competency test for applying an internship. The answer is: I wasn’t. I didn’t really expect to proceed to the next step, which will require me to follow a session of interview — more like interrogation.

I wasn’t nervous because I already know what I’m capable of; that I’m incapable of being capable enough is enough reason for me for not being nervous.

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But recently, I’m more prone to being nervous when someone suddenly acts like being a hostile to me — for example while chatting to a friend of mine. Or maybe when I’m being lectured by my brother-in-law, the mixed feeling of a little bit of pride, nervousness, and other things makes an uneasy feeling for me.

The solution: Stop being nervous. It may be necessary to keep you aware of the consequences of your actions, but it may also prevent you from being peaceful. And as always, it’s easier said than done.

But I think that nervous feeling somehow makes us feel more alive; fear, anxiety, and distress mixed into one state of emotion. And that shouldn’t be suppressed entirely.